A LETTER FROM HELL
Extract from an intercepted report, sent to the Europe Division Under-Manager
and dated New Year’s Day, 14 January 2008
As you know, our operatives worldwide have had great success in recent weeks in Africa. It is not only through AIDS - how clever of us it was to arrange it to call it that and then justify its spread by claiming sexual freedom. It is especially in violence in the Sudan and in Kenya - all in the name of our code-word for anarchy - democracy. We have created a lot of misery and many souls have fallen into our clutches. Truly, a great success. His satanic majesty has also been delighted with events in Asia, notably in Bangladesh, where thousands have perished, and in Pakistan, where we have created great turmoil and the prospect of bloodshed on a massive scale. If our plans go well, there could even be a nuclear war, something we have been preparing and dreaming of for decades. The prospects are very hopeful for us, given the chaos caused by the invasions in nearby Afghanistan and Iraq. Thanks to our efforts, a heavy depression now hangs over the whole region.
Worldwide signs of our presence are now, we believe, permanent. Our name and our number are everywhere, in books and films, on television and radio, everywhere. Humans all over Europe have now instituted an American festival in our honour, the one they call Hallowe’en. As you will recall, long ago we had our number invisibly set on roulette wheels, the numbers of which add up to 666 – how many souls have been lost to gambling since then! Then, some years ago, we had great success with bar codes, also marking our control over commerce, invisibly to most humans. Then, in Paris we had the pyramid entrance to the largest museum in the world, the Louvre, covered with 666 panes of glass. Our longer-term project of making the initial letters of the world wide web, www, stand upright, so that they will be transformed into 666 is under way. Already large sections of the internet belong to us, though other sections still show stubborn resistance. But our sign will stand upright soon. And all of this against a backdrop of the millions of naïve humans who have been convinced that we do not even exist. How subtle we have been in all our operations!
Nevertheless, our underlings in Europe are reporting mixed results at present. We should not be too pessimistic. As you will remember, when our Communist servants lost their grip on power a few years ago, some of our imps feared that we too would immediately lose power. Some of the less experienced imps even imagined that the new regimes would ban abortion, our greatest achievement since 1945, which has proved hugely successful, especially after our heady days in the 1960s. In fact, instead of all the gloom and doom of some of our agents, we had huge successes in the 1990s, creating widespread anarchy under the code-word of democracy and institutionalising mass crime under the code-word of privatization. The use of these code-words was a brilliant idea of our Master.
True, some of our operatives had to be transferred from the collapsed Soviet Union to help give birth to the European Union. There, our plans to create a tyranny are well under way. There should soon be a European President. We already have a favourite choice, a very ambitious man with an excellent record of sowing division and starting wars all around the world. Recently, he even changed his religion to help promote his chances. Seat 666 in the European Parliament, still unoccupied, will be reserved for him or for his successor. Once we have total power through our manipulation of the media all over the EU (our agents are already in place), we shall be able to imprison any who disagree with the centre, which we of course shall continue to control. True, we are faced with difficulties from the one they call the Pope of Rome. However, he is old and the collapse we have been planning for a thousand years, our patient and carefully-camouflaged plan for the gradual destruction of the remains of the Church among them (how I shudder when I have to write the C-word), is still on course. Since the 1960s it has been like our successes of the 16th century all over again!
True, in the last few years, we have been bothered by events with the Church (Ugh!) in Russia, which is still intact. Although there are still a lot of abortions in Russia and their birth-rate is still falling, the Russians are showing the first signs of recovery. Some of our lesser slaves have been expelled from there. We have had to transfer them to other parts of Europe nearby, as more and more vacancies open up there. These imps have been charged with chipping away at the fringes of Russia and this has helped stop defeatist talk among our agents. Eventually we hope to reduce Russia’s territory and set up permanent operations in the territories that we capture. We are also active in corrupting their clergy or simply creating fake clergy inside Russia, in order to discredit the genuine ones, our bitterest enemies. This is in line with our constant policy of slandering and discrediting. As you know, our most successful tactic has always been to make humans believe that the One We Hate loathes humanity and that the One We Hate is responsible for evil and suffering. We shall continue to use this strategy and make the stupid humans believe it in the years to come.
But still, in Russia they are building more places in honour of the One We Hate and they are fostering spiritual and moral values. This is worrying us, though we are training legions of agents in the art of manipulating the humans through the use of ‘human rights’ and ‘human dignity’ (our current code-words for depravity) and political incorrectness (the humans call it the opposite). This man they call Vladimir is a constant irritant. Last Saturday 12 January, he said that their State is in debt to their Church (Ugh!) and has promised to help regenerate it. He even apologized that in the past the State had done its utmost to destroy their history and cultural and spiritual roots and now he wants to help them regenerate their spiritual culture. It is clear that as regards Russia we must make much greater efforts. We must not lose the battle to wipe it off the face of the earth. We were nearly successful in the last century, we shall have to renew our efforts now.
What we need is to repeat the huge successes of the last century, under new names. Let us have a 1917 again. What a carnival that was for us. Unforgettable! Let us work harder, so that the poison from the West will spread ever wider, so that all our enemies will be destroyed, wherever they are. So far, the human attachment to material goods has been very successful, creating worldwide territorial wars and jealousies. Now, with the accumulation of their industrial filth (they have suffered hundreds of millions of deaths from cancer through that), their climate is changing. We can look forward to ever greater chaos among the humans, more and more ‘natural’ catastrophes (that’s what those stupid humans call them, though some of the stupider call them ‘Acts of the One We Hate’). New victories are in sight for us. Floods, droughts, panic and suicide will spread worldwide. Our future is very bright here. As for that hated Church (Ugh!), the slogan ‘divide and rule’ will always be our main strategy. This policy has been more successful than we ever expected and we shall continue to divide and rule until final victory, the creation of hell on earth, is ours.
Demon No 157036829
Offshore Operations Headquarters, London
